I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Someone came in the potted fern
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
