Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
