Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
