Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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