Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
