I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
