I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
