If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
