How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Houston, we have a squirter
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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