I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
