Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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