eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
