can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my shit smells like andre
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize