You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
