I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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