i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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