I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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