some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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