why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
