I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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