The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
