i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
