And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
