and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
