sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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