you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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