Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
do nipples grow back?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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