Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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