You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
