u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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