that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
