I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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