I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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