guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
