after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
