The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize