Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
