sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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You just missed an honest to god bukkake
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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