You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
