you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
