i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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