I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
