Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
