Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
