im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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