I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im six kinds of drunk right now
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
