He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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