and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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