I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
