Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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