Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
