"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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