I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
