Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?