At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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