We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
