the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
