Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
