i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I currently don't understand fingers.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
