and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
