I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
